Trust Fall

I started a journey a few months ago. It wasn't wanted, but now with a little perspective (emphasis on the word little) maybe it was needed.

I used to be a teacher and dean and coach and a thousand hats at an Adventist boarding school in North America. The way these schools work is that every staff is hired on either a 10 month or 12 month contract. I was a 10 month employee. When spring starts to show its first signs, that's when all the staff start asking each other whether they got the letter that either asks them to return for the following year or says that the school will not be renewing your contract for the next year. In essence, letting you go. Personally I don't like this, I see and know all the benefits of this system, but I think its really ineffective. Being a 10 monther and it being early march I began to ask around and other staff began to ask me whether or not I'd received my "letter". After about a week of finding out who had received letters and who had not and waiting patiently for mine, I went to the principal to find out what my future was going to be. What I discovered was that I had not been communicated with because the board and budget committee hadn't decided on what they were going to do and my job was one in question. Even though I was being told to my face that there was a good chance that my job would be approved in the upcoming budget committee meeting and that I would have word in a week, it was in that conversation where I was informed that my job had been in limbo and that all other staff had received word on their job status BUT me because the principal just hadn't gotten to it yet, that I needed to start looking for a job.

The hundreds of cover letters, resume's, and references attached to hundreds of emails for jobs found after spending hundreds of hours searching the Internet commenced. It was just like the previous spring when I was graduating except back then I knew it was coming.

A week came and went, my phone call never happened so I made it happen again. Again undecided. Then my news was pushed back to a board meeting weeks away. All the words spoken to me said that I was going to be OK. But I knew that I was out of there.

The school year ended and I made the decision to move to Tennessee. This is where a lot of friends are. My sister is here. And my girlfriend. So I decided to jump to the south and see what happened.

I was able to get work for the summer, all the way through the first couple days of September. The whole time I was searching for work.

Just a couple weeks ago I was looking for jobs on craigslist and came across one that was right up my alley. I sent off an application that night and by the morning I was on the phone with their HR figuring out a time when I could come in to interview. The interview went great, as well as the following 2 interviews, and just a couple days ago i received a job offer.

I'm really excited about this new chapter in my life. I really feel like the Lord was leading. But this whole experience, 6 months long, reminds me of a trust fall. You know those things that you do at camp or work retreats where a person is up on a platform about 4-5 feet off the ground and they stand to the edge with their friends, or strangers, waiting with their arms out to catch the person who lies stiff as they fall backwards to the earth. It can be a little nerve racking.. I struggle to give up control of my life to God. I like to strangle it with my control. But I've had to walk backwards to the edge of the platform, cross my arms and fall backwards into the arms of God. Hitting my knees and giving up control to Him was really hard for me to do. There's nothing more I can say than that. Its just really really hard.

And just like when your back hits those arms waiting below and relief rushes through your body as you realize that you did not hit the ground and that you will be OK, I had the same moment when I knew I was going to be alright. I was leaving my interview and driving over the bridge. My mind was just running as it analyzed what had just happened and how I felt about this place and just trying to digest it all. I looked out to the left and there was this huge rainbow across the sky. I knew then that I was safe and that everything was going to be alright.

I've grown a lot spiritually these last 6 months. I think I've grown a lot as a man these last 6 months and those are one in the same. What I thought was a really bad deal turned out to be a great experience for me. I don't know what is ahead of me in my far future but I know that I am going to be alright with God at my side. I do know where I'll be for my immediate future and that has its own comfort but there is a deeper comfort in knowing that I'm following Gods will for my life.